On the way to Seattle

In keeping with little Damien’s prediction, indeed I was in the last row of seats before the back two bathrooms, which now would have to service all 150 people on this 4+ hour flight. Super. I was on the aisle seat of a grouping of three with two guys in my lane. The window seat was a rugged, older guy with a ballcap who slept leaning up against the wall most of the flight. The middle seat was a younger guy, about college age, who looked hungover and spent most of the flight watching DVDs on his G4 iBook (Jon Stewart’s America DVD alternating with a surfing documentary) and rubbing his hands vociferously through his hair, which I found unhygienic. Both were simply quiet and nice seatmates, although political surfer guy had a tendency to sprawl and press his chic denim clad leg against mine while taking over the armrest. Not appreciated.

But what was less appreciated was everyone’s ass. Yes, that’s right, of the 150 people on the plane, plus the flight attendants and the pilots, I think I managed to see literally everyone’s behind. Why would I be so acquainted with people’s posterior, you ask? Probably because of the restroom shortage, people queued up for the bathroom in front of my seat (butt shot #1 since their rear ends were roughly the height of my head). Then, as if the first wasn’t enough, people who had finished using the bathroom had to get back to their seats, resulting in the waiting people (who were sometimes 5 deep) leaning their posteriors literally in front of my face. Let me just assert that panty lines are an unrealized epidemic in America that deserves serious attention, perhaps by the CDC.

I ran out my shuffle’s battery so I had to move to finishing off my Oprah magazine and also the Evanovich book (both excellent) and still had plenty of time to kill. My Bose headphones absolutely SAVED me (I was upset that the airplane plug adapter didn’t fit and I wasn’t about to buy cheap Delta headphones to listen the movie, but it was The Queen, which I wanted to see). The plane was so loud with the constant drone of the engine (which seemed louder in my area of the back of the aircraft) and the sound cancellation totally cut out the sound of the screaming children (yes, both purple girl and prescient boy were both shrieking throughout the flight) so I looked a lot happier than most people on the plane. Why can’t you drug children? Is it really that unethical? I think the kids would have been happier sleeping, too. You do it with cats. Anyway.

The flight was turbulent, but not more than I’d expect for any flight crossing the continental divide, which always has issues. There were times I couldn’t read because the book was jostling so much. I absolutely knew that there would be no real food and I was right. More crackers and little munchies, but nothing more. And staggering out crackers does not add up to a meal. No one can convince me of this. One person who was not eating was the unfortunate gentlemen at the window seat across the aisle who had been quite affected by the turbulence and was throwing up into a Delta bag. A nice big bag. Poor guy. Poor seatmate.

The flight was finally over. I found the baggage claim easily and my bag came quickly. The ground shuttle counter was very close by, so I thought I was going to whisk out of there, but I was incorrect. The line to get your ticket (and hello, I had bought mine on line so why do I have to pick up anything? Why can’t my printed out information be my ticket – SO inefficient) was no fewer than 20 librarians deep and cold molasses would have moved faster. There was a bitter, ponytailed young woman who had stayed past quitting time while waiting for her replacement who arrived late from a doctor’s appointment and didn’t seem happy. I tried to be understanding (could it have been unexpected pregnancy? A horrible disease?), but there were two wicked prissy-looking librarians ahead of me who you could have slapped cat’s eye dresses onto and they would have effectively illustrated the librarian stereotype. Yikes. Once I got my ticket, the bus was immediately there and we got to hear the loquacious bus driver highlight the inefficiencies of his company’s system (no one was arguing). We quickly made it downtown to THE HOTEL.