Toilet Seat Covers and other conference reflections...

There are certain things you notice when you travel that are simply not a part of your normal existence. Take hotel or airport bathrooms for example. I'm astonished by the ways in which they attempt to make you think you are in a sanitary place, even though you have just personally witnessed a parade of sketchyville people use the stall before you. An added bonus that has become particularly prominent in recent years is the addition of the toilet seat cover dispenser. This usually has a carefully marketed name like "Protecto" or "Rest Assured", as if my tuchus landing on a slippery paper toilet seat cover will allay virtually any germphobia I might have otherwise experienced. I am particularly baffled by the crazy part of the cover that's supposed to be detached from the rest of it and go in the toilet to anchor the cover. Haven't they ever heard of capillary action? Won't the skankified water creep up to my alltogether? Is this really a great idea, and is my fiddling with the contraption not extending my stay in the already revolting public toilet? And then just when your finished using the potty, you barely begin to rise off the seat when the automatic toilet (with powerful, space shuttle-like vacuum qualities) sucks the toilet seat cover away from you, barely taking your panties from around your knees. I let out a yelp when that happens and there is invariably some form of water splashback which really is not okay as toilet water is not only yechy, but really, really cold. There has to be a better way to do this.