Against inappropriate salesmen

I start my trip at the Wilkes-Barre airport and I’ve gotten here nice and early. I do like the smaller airports – you can always watch your luggage actually get on the plane (hence my propensity for electric blue suitcases so I know that mine is in the hold) and the people are relatively unrushed and friendly. The security person tells me to not go through the line at 8:30 for a 10:00 am flight because the security team is closing (?) to “calibrate the machine and eat lunch”. Well. I sit out next to the Hooters gate (quite the advertising scheme judging by the posters) and read my Barbara Stripling book on creating a culture of inquiry. I’m pretty into it when a gentlemen sits in the chair behind me with a thump, jolting me from my reverie. Just as I’m settling in, I hear the tell-tale beeping of his cell phone directory. Uh-oh. A cell phone talker. Yikes.

I have major issues with cell phone talkers in airports. You know, the people who rather than read, eat, or talk to someone near them (not that I’m advocating chatting up strangers), will instead pester everyone in their phone list with, “Hey! Guess where I’m calling from!” As if the jumbo jets taking off in the background won’t tip off the recepient. So this jocular gentlemen settles into his numerous phone calls (I counted 12 in an hour) and he MUST be a salesman based on his combination of inappropriate humor and utterly boring discourse on the weather and “plant conditions”. His first words out his mouth (which were never “hello” or “this is Hank”, not that I know his name) were, “Well that’s the last time I take your advice. You told me to give myself a hug last night and I got so excited that I couldn’t sleep!” Wha??? Maybe this is sensual banter for a wife at home, I thought. Until I realized – he is talking with his boss. Other topics, “Rachel got drunk as piss and starting spouting off about Jack Murphy’s daddy and you know why that’s funny.” May I never see what “drunk as piss” looks like. Yech. Thankfully he sits elsewhere when we move into the gate. I have to go watch my luggage being placed on board now.